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From Maria T Arce
Sent 20 January 2004 03:08:04
Subject Your Memorial Site for Baby Thomas
Dear Mr. and Mrs. Dixon,

This e-mail is to express our most sincere and deepest of sympathies for the loss of your beautiful baby. There are no words in the word that can bring consolation to heart and soul. Our prayers and thoughts are with you and your hubby in your moments of sorrow and pain. The only thing that we can tell you is keep the faith, we now is hard, but time heal all bruises.

Take care, and God bless.

The Arce's
Willie, Maria, William, and Nanette
From Patricia Cotton
Sent 20 January 2004 16:22:27
Subject Your Son

Hi Friend,

I am from 'Silent Grief' as well. I am on the m/c board. I visited your sons' site. And it is very beautiful. I love his little hand and footprints. They are special. And I read all about him.

I too lost a baby in my 10th week. He passed away at 9wks 4 days. He was 28grams, 22mm and was born at 11:10am. His Birthday is February 2nd, name Isaiah-Grace. I love all of your poems and songs as well. They were so lovely. So many reminded me of my baby. The poem "He Lost A Baby Too" I had given to my husband on our babys' due date. He cried when he came to the part "He hears her crying in the night, and thinks his heart will break" as he said that is how he feels.

This poem I wrote for my baby. It is a letter from him in heaven to me his Mommy and Daddy. It means a lot to me as it is all of the things I PRAY he felt and heard when he was in the womb. If you like it, you may use it on your page.

' I KNOW YOU LOVED ME '

From Pauline & Andrew Baker
Sent 20 January 2004 21:18:35
Subject Thomas' Guestbook

Vicky and Magnus,

You have created such a beautiful and loving tribute to wee Thomas. In reading it I felt just how very loved he is and know you will miss him always. Thank you so much for sharing his story and all the lovely things you have created in his memory.

Pauline (Ryan'sMum from Silent Grief)

Ontario, Canada

From Lisa
Sent 21 January 2004 05:55:40
Subject Baby Thomas

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Dixon,

I am sorry to hear about your terrible loss. I first heard about your darling son on the pregnancy lounge and on the day I first heard I lit a candle for Thomas in is memory. I hope you didn't mind me doing this. I think the dedication you have done on the web is absolutely wonderful and reading it brought me to tears. I know no words can ease your pain but I wanted you to know that my thoughts are with you and little Thomas. All the blessings in the world.

Love Lisa xx

From Myst
Sent 21 January 2004 03:43:40
Subject Baby Thomas's Memorial

Thank you so much for sharing your beautiful son's site with me. Thomas is one lucky little boy to have a mommy like you. I was brought to tears for you and your loving husband. My thoughts and prayers are with both of you through this trying time. My love and prayers go out to you and your husband.

Myst

From Helen little
Sent 21 January 2004 08:33:55
Subject Thomas's website

Hi Tori,

Just been and visited the website you've created for Thomas and it touched me so deeply I'm almost in tears. For the first time I can feel a real sense of the pain you must be going through and how much you and Mag loved your baby. I'm so heart wrenchingly sad for you both. I hope the days will slowly get easier for you though I know this won't happen anytime soon. I just wanted to say that my thoughts are with you both.

All my love Helen xx

From Margaret Mihori
Sent 21 January 2004 16:26:44
Subject so sorry for your loss

I saw your beautiful tribute to your son, Thomas. It was forwarded to me by stillnomore.cox.net. I especially like the pictures and your poem "Like". I am so sorry your son was stillborn. My daughter was born still at 38 weeks on August 8, 2003. I understand what you are going through. I wish I could say it will be all better soon, but it takes a very long time for grief to express itself. It is like being in the ocean. Sometimes the water is calm and you can swim around in peace. Other times a big wave that you didn't see at all will knock you down, disorienting you. Some days you will be fine and others will be more difficult. I wish you peace during your journey.

Love and {{hugs}}

Margaret

From Grant
Sent 21 January 2004 17:10:01
Subject Stillbirth

Hello,

My name is Grant, I live in Pasadena Maryland in the U.S.A. I am a STILLFATHER. Have just received your Website from Still-no-more, and was so very touched my your story of your baby Tom, that I just wanted to E-mail you both to let you know that time does HEAL a BROKEN HEART.

You see my baby was born ASLEEP on Nov. 16th 1970. That's 33 years 2 months & 5 days ago. My wound is an old one and for the most part has healed. But the scar will never fade. I just want to give you both encouragement to go on with you lives. It will be hard, but FAITH will carry you though this terrible time. I know I'm been there. You must keep trying.

We were blessed with a second son on Memorial Day 1972. Little Grant. Now 31. The joy of my life. So there is HOPE and tomorrow will be a better day! I know the Sun will shine again for you both.

Take Care

Grant

From Matt and Jody
Sent 21 January 2004 22:48:17
Subject Baby Thomas' Memorial Site

You have created an absolutely precious memorial site for your son and as I read Thomas's story, I was moved to tears. I know your pain all-too-well and I send many hugs and prayers your way. Baby Thomas is playing in Heaven with my Shaina & Nathan

~ May Thomas' memory live on forever ~

Feel free to write me anytime

Sincerely,

Jody Garber
Mom of:
*Shaina (stillborn 1-1-99)
*Nathan (miscarried 5-16-99)
*Koby (born healthy 2000- He'll be 4 on March 30th)
*Brayden (born healthy 2002- He'll be 2 on February 20th)
*Dayne (due May 14, 2004)

From Linda McComb
Sent 21 January 2004 22:29:05
Subject Your tiny angel Thomas

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Dixon

Please accept my deepest sympathy and know that you are in my heart and prayers. I am in the United States, Minnesota. This is to say that he is in heaven with my angel daughter, Jamie Sue who was stillborn Dec. 3, 2002. She was 38.5 weeks gestation. So I completely understand your pain and emptiness. The feelings that no one can understand until they have experienced it.

I am here to say that after one year, I feel that the Veil of darkness and numbness is starting to lift. It is so beautiful how you made a website and shared your experience. I think it is a loving tribute to your son. I am here across the ocean to help, if you would like helpful websites to go on to, I would be happy to give you any information. Be good to yourselves, cherish Thomas in your hearts and know that the Lord loves you so and will bring comfort to your hearts.

Sincerely Linda McComb

From Susan Swanstrom
Sent 21 January 2004 22:15:27
Subject Thomas

I am so sorry for the loss of Thomas. I am sure he was a beautiful boy. I received the link to your page through an email from the National Stillbirth Society. We lost our son Alex Christopher on April 29, 2003, in similar circumstances. This is a beautiful memorial...Again I am so sorry for your loss.

Susan Swanstrom
Mother to
Alex Christopher Born sleeping on April 29, 2003

From Julie Bell
Sent 21 January 2004 21:12:23
Subject Guestbook

I received your link from the Stillborn Society. What a wonderful tribute you have created. I am so sorry for your loss. Our baby Nicholas would have been two years old tomorrow (January 22). We lost him at 37 weeks gestation due to a cord accident. Although we have a 6-month-old baby girl now, our Nicholas will never be forgotten.

People say that it gets better with time, although for us, as we watch our Chelsea grow, it seems to be getting worse. I'm so sorry that you didn't get to see him or have pictures of him. That must be so difficult. I know it is very early and forgive me for even suggesting it, but please feel free to contact me should the day come when you decide to conceive again. I had an e-mail friend who I found from a grief chat room who helped me get through my subsequent pregnancy. I kept her note for many months until the day came when I needed her. No one understands the stress of going through a pregnancy after a loss except for one who has already done it.

Julie Bell
Michigan

From rosefive
Sent 21 January 2004 18:39:29
Subject Thomas' website

Dear Vicky and Magnus,

This website is beautiful, as I know precious Thomas was. I was sent the link through NSS. What a sad story.... *Sigh* I recognised a lot of your story through my own experience when we lost our third son @39 weeks, stillborn, cause unknown.

How unfortunate the staff didn't take photos of Thomas soon after he was born. I want you to know that through the National Stillbirth Society and other contacts, I do work on baby images' I call it "enhancing". This is work I do simply to help others who have gone through what I have gone through. I enhanced an image just last week through Richards' site for a couples' stillborn baby boy. Please feel free to email me an image of your son if you feel comfortable. I would love to have a go at "enhancing" Thomas' image so you can feel comfortable sharing his pic with others. In any event I am so sorry and wish you well in the future.

Christine

From Karen
Sent 21 January 2004 18:31:26
Subject In Remembrance of Thomas Dixon

Dear Parents of Baby Thomas,

Baby Thomas, though no longer with you, made a serious impact on your life. This huge impact (if it could be measured) would show that Thomas's life, even though born still, is a life full of meaning! Your baby, with you for such a short time, was still alive. He may have been born dead, but he lived! Embrace and find as much joy as you can in his short and rich life.

I find your web page inspirational! Thank you for making it!

In remembrance of my daughter, Emalee, born still August 3, 2002, 36 weeks gestational age,

I send my heartfelt sympathies to you and your family.

Karen

From Wallace, Robin
Sent 21 January 2004 18:15:39
Subject your website.

My son Luke was stillborn on his due date, on what should have been his birthday, June 12, 2001. I published this article about my experience, about nine months after I lost him. http://archive.salon.com/mwt/feature/2002/03/20/stillborn/.

I thought you might want to read it. I wrote this for myself, to record my feelings, and being that I'm a writer by profession, I sought to have it published. But, I was not prepared for the response that it got. I didn't even think anyone would publish it because of the subject matter. I just wanted to get my own thoughts down, but the response was overwhelming. Right now, I don't even know how you had the will or strength to create your web site. Right now, you probably can't imagine that you'll ever climb out of the darkest depths of your grief. Right now, joy or comfort or peace is beyond your reach. But it does get better, easier.

Just a year to the date that I lost my son, in June, 2002, I was ready to try again and became pregnant with my second child. She was born on March 1, 2003 and is today nearly 11 months old. She has changed everything. Before I had my daughter, I wanted to stay attached to my grief because it was all I had of Luke, and it was all I had of being a mother. Once you have even a taste of that feeling, you'll take it any way you can get it. But, it was all I knew, and while I was pregnant again, I actually feared that I wouldn't be able to get over my grief enough to love this second child as much as I should. Well, I could not have been more wrong. In fact, the guilt works the other way sometimes. My daughter so took over my life, she is so much the focus of all my love and attention and has brought us such joy and happiness, that I find I have to work at staying "in touch" with my son. I am so caught up in her that I do sometimes forget, and as time goes on, I find myself feeling more and more removed from the pain and the loss.

No one can tell you when you should try for another baby. I was told to do so right away, but I couldn't. I waited exactly one year, and was still unsure about it until I found out I was pregnant again. And I remember the day I found out feeling, for the first time in a year, truly happy and hopeful, that my life would recover from the loss, that after having so much taken from me, I was being given something back. I remember feeling that I was finally being restored to my former self. But I spent that entire nine months lost in thinking about Luke, in reliving all of it, until the very moment I had Cailan. And then, everything was different. It was like I could feel the wound on my heart healing overnight. The minute I held my daughter, all that grief and sadness and confusion was gone. I don't know if it's like this for all people. I feel like I have to say I still carry that grief inside me, but the truth is that I don't. My daughter is such a gift and blessing to me, such a miracle, that I feel it dishonors her to feel sad about anything or to dwell on what was taken from me. I feel she deserves for me to feel grateful and joyful every minute of my life, and I am, I am grateful for her. And I think that all I've been through was the road I had to travel to get to her. That's what I believe now. But, everyone has to find their own path through this.

One thing I've learned in my brief contact with other parents in this situation is that everyone experiences this differently. It's difficult to share, because everyone has very different ideas and feelings and perspectives. But for me, ultimately, the answer to everything was having another child. I hope that you will soon find your own path.

Best,

Robin Wallace Verona, N.J., USA

From Maria Ludwig
Sent 21 January 2004 17:41:51
Subject Thomas

I stumbled upon your website as some poems were forwarded through a stillbirth board I am on. My heart aches for you so fresh in your grief. On Oct 22, 2002 I lost my first daughter to stillbirth. She was 33 1/2 weeks gestation and I had no idea that anything was wrong as the pregnancy was "perfect" as the doctor's said. It was the hardest thing I ever did, having to give birth and hear the quiet room. After I lost Jordan. I also had a miscarriage very early at 5 1/2 weeks on Jan 11, 2003. Really took the wind out of my sails. I know what you are going through and it hurts me to see and hear of loving parents that want to be Mummies and Daddies and just can't. It is so hard.

A bright note. I did have a healthy baby girl on Oct 8 2003. It was the longest pregnancy I have ever had and there were problems with the fluid. It was hard but I know Taylor had Jordan watching over her in heaven. If you ever need to talk I am here. Though I do have Taylor now. The pain of Jordan is still fresh and will be with me always.

Maria Ludwig

From Joanne Fordham
Sent 22 January 2004 11:26:23
Subject To Thomas' mum and dad from Cameron's mum

I am sorry for your loss but wish to thank you for touching my heart with your beautiful memory website for your little baby Thomas. Reading your thoughts and feelings and all the poems and songs, has given me the words I need to remember my own baby Cameron on his third anniversary ( stillborn at 36 weeks gestation on 20 January 2001).

I would like to share the words from a song that means a lot to me -

The Colour of Roses, by Beth Neilsen Chapman.

From Angel Love Sabrina
Sent 22 January 2004 16:48:16
Subject Hi there I am a mommy too

Mr. and Mrs. Dixon,

My name is Sabrina, I lost my son Nicholas Austin May 16 2003, He was much wanted and much loved and my only child. I miss him every day, wondering what I did wrong. I know everyone says its Mother Nature or God's will but it still bloody hurts. I was 36 weeks pregnant when I lost Nicholas he was 4 lbs. 4 oz, and 18 inches. I will stop there cause I know how fresh and painful it is... I have opened a on line support group and I have met 100 mommies who have lost a baby due to miscarriage stillbirth, neo natal and SIDS, some have had birth disorders but most are stillbirth.

I am from Ontario Canada, and trying so hard to make stillbirth a known issue here because it has been happening way too often! I personally know of 6 people in my town or surrounding area who also had a stillborn baby yet I knew nothing of stillbirth until it happened to me. I want to invite you and your husband to my web site and consider joining us and helping us help you cope. You don't have to talk right away you can take your time and it helps to talk and just read others and what they are going through knowing u r not alone! We have 40 mommies in our groups and their husbands, I have made some wonderful friends that I hold so dear. I make them precious graphics in memory of their angels. Please join us and share your story. I hope we can help in making you feel an ounce better.. HUGS and I am so sorry to hear of your loss! It is the most trying thing to deal with when it is a loss of a much-wanted baby! I lost my grandmother 2 weeks prior to my sons death. So it was a very rough 4 weeks..

You can e-mail me any time I am here if you need me! I know this sounds strange cause we never met, but I thought that too when these moms I know emailed me in the beginning! Your web site is Awesome!

Here is the link to my on line support group. http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/Our_Angels_loved/

Godspeed little man, sweet dreams little man, my love with fly to you each night on Angels wings....
Many people only dream of angels, I held mine in my womb!

From M Neukam
Sent 22 January 2004 16:29:26
Subject website

Hi!

I just wanted to write to tell you how much your website touched me! It's absolutely beautiful.

May God bless you!

Misty

From Lisa Paolini
Sent 23 January 2004 00:53:20
Subject Baby Thomas

I am deeply saddened to read about the loss of your baby boy. I just wanted to express my sympathy as I too lost a baby to stillbirth. I proudly carried my baby girl for 35 weeks, before finding out the gut wrenching news that my baby had passed away. There was a problem with the umbilical cord that took my daughters life. We named her Mila and I miss her everyday.

I know what you are going through and nothing about it is easy. I know many times how alone you must feel. Time has helped ease the pain for me, as I hope it does for you.

Best wishes to you and your husband.

Lisa

Mother to Mila 10-12-2002 (35 weeks gestation)

From Michelle
Sent 23 January 2004 02:12:34
Subject Wonderful Angel

Mr. & Mrs. Dixon,

I am so sorry for your loss. I pray that you will continue to have faith and strength in the days ahead. You have created a wonderful memory of your son and he will live forever in your hearts and to those you share him with.

God Bless you!

Michelle
Mommy to 2 miscarriages 12/92 & 5/96,
Gabryelle 5, Bailey (stillborn 4-13-02)
& Vienna 7 months.

From Stephanie Joy
Sent 23 January 2004 17:48:18
Subject Thomas

Your website for baby Thomas is absolutely beautiful and heartwrenching. I am so so sorry for your recent loss! I too have lost a baby, and I know how horrid you feel now. We lost our daughter Amanda Joy on March 2, 2000 at 31 1/2 weeks gestation. I too had to endure labor and all. Your story is so similar to mine. My heart just breaks for you! You must be in such utter shock and horror! I just wanted to write to you and tell you that I understand and I care. Please feel free to contact me anytime for support, care and encouragement!

HUGS!
Stephanie Marottek

From Stephanie [steph@pupasoul.com]
Sent 24 January 2004 00:34:51
Subject Baby Thomas

Hi Tori,

This website is such a beautiful and touching tribute to your little angel. Thank you so much for sharing this with us all. I know that wherever Thomas is he knows how very much he is loved. I wish I could say something to make you feel better but I know that is not possible. All I can do is say prayers for you and keep you in my thoughts.

Best wishes,
Stephanie (pupasoul from DeviantArt)

From Emma
Sent 24 January 2004 19:13:45
Subject (no subject)

Dear Thomas' Mum,

I'm very sorry to read about your loss. Thomas is a lovely name as I'm sure your Thomas was too. My name is Emma, I'm from the U.K. Back in October 2003 my husband and I lost William Daniel Cotterill at 30 weeks pregnant. My story is very similar to yours, I too was ignored by hospital staff as a panicky Mum to be - yet my intuition told me something wasn't right.

Our box for William is in the nursery along with the cot, pram and all the other lovely things we had for him. It contains his hand and footprints my wrist tag and his baby book that I'd already started to fill in, all the cards we were sent and well every precious thing we have that concerns him.

I get Williams post-mortem results back on Monday I just don't want them to knock me back as I'm just getting back to being myself but a whole new different version of me - if that makes sense.

I'm sure you will get a huge response from your beautiful website feel free to contact me at my e-mail address.

Take Care of Yourselves

Lots of love Emma

From Amanda
Sent 27 January 2004 19:47:13
Subject Beautiful baby Thomas

Thank you for visiting my brothers' website and for signing his guestbook. It is comforting to know that at least he is not forgotten.

Although you only have two photos of Thomas, you made something very special for him, and that I will always be thankful for, because you shared him with me and I know that he existed and that his memory will be with me forever.

I know there are no words I can give to you to take the hurt away of losing your second child but I know that as Thomas looks down on you from heaven he is touching your heart in so many ways. Somedays you might feel sad but he looks at you and says 'Mommy, why are crying?' and you will see him in your dreams and thoughts and when you look up at the night sky and tell him 'because I got to have you, and you brought me such happiness and for that I will always be thankful.' Little Thomas is in heaven with Little Baby D and they are looking after each other and Thomas is acting like the big brother.

Have faith in the Lord and lay all your anxieties on him and he will heal you and send you love via a special messenger when you need it the most, and don't forget, you have two little angels watching over you and guiding you and keeping you safe until that day when you can come to be with them and embrace them in your arms... You'll be a family once more.

Hang in there...

With Love Amanda

From Fiona Beavan
Sent 30 January 2004 01:46:30
Subject For your guest book

Dear Vicky and Magnus,

Thanks for finding my son Joshua's story and for taking the time to read his story.

You have created a stunning web site for Thomas and he is such a lucky boy to have such very loving parents as you both.

I can relate to so many of your feelings, I still do today, four months on. Like you, I found making memories by the cart load the only way I could cope with my grief, it at least made me feel I was doing something! The desperation will eventually go, and will be replaced in time. Be kind to yourselves, don't get frustrated that your grief takes so long, it will. Just be there for each other, love Thomas, and do as many wonderful things as you can to remember him.

With My Love,

Fiona Beavan
Mum to Abigail, Miriam, Susannah, Luke,
Isobel, Martha, Jonathan and
Joshua (16-19-9-03 HLHS)

From Lisa Rossetter
Sent 31 January 2004 19:23:46
Subject Your little angel

Dear parents of baby Thomas,

Your website is truly beautiful and has touched my heart in a way that I don't know how to express to you both. Reading your words, it feels as if you are reading my thoughts and feelings aloud.

I am so so sorry for the loss of your little boy, and for the terrible pain that you are both feeling. My heart truly goes out to you now and always.

My little angel LAURIECE JULIA ROSSETTER was born still on 10th October 2003 at 24 weeks gestation. My daughter Lauriece's due date was today (27th Jan 2004) and I want to thank you for the comfort that your kind words and poems have brought me today.

I also have two other little angels in heaven, October 2002 - miscarriage at 8 weeks January 2003 - miscarriage at 6 weeks. Not a day goes by that I don't think of them.

From reading your website, I feel like I have made a friend. Somebody who understands - Thank you so much.

Please feel free to contact me any time!

My thoughts are with you

Love and support

from Lisa Rossetter

From Dionne
Sent 02 February 2004 19:20:21
Subject Baby Thomas

I came across your site, via another site I had visited. I am so sorry for the loss of your precious baby son, and I know the agony of your heartache, as I too lost my son, Conner Michael on March 16th, 2003. He was stillborn at 32 weeks. It saddens me and breaks my heart that I do not have him here to hold, that he will forever remain my "baby", and that I will never have the chance to watch him grow.

Sending warm and gentle hugs your way..

~ Dionne

Conner Michael 03~16~03 Stillborn...but, born still.
www.babiesonline.com/babies/a/angelconner/

From Lisa Unnerstal
Sent 03 February 2004 17:51:29
Subject Hi

Hi Vicky,

I just saw your entry in our guest book on our website and went to visit yours. It is a beautiful memorial to your son, Thomas. I am sorry that we have to walk this same path together. In addition to losing our son, Davey, in August of 2003, we, too, had a miscarriage in October, 2002. However, I am confident that both of us will have more children that we will hold here on earth!

Thanks for the nice message you put on our web site. I tried to put a message in your guestbook, but didn't see a place to submit it, so I am sending this email instead. I, too, have read many helpful things on the Silent Grief website. I am a registered user, but I don't really post anything.

Take care and have strength,

Lisa

From * Super_Saiyan_Mom *
Sent 09 February 2004 13:56:52
Subject guestbook entry for your Thomas

I am so sorry for your loss of precious Thomas.

The site is just beautiful,although not as beautiful as I know your Thomas is..

Here is my son's memorial site.. http://www.geocities.com/mypreciousbrent/index.html

Hugs & Love

April
^j^ Brent ^j^,
Adriana,
& Jocelyn's Mommy

From Danielle O'Connor
Sent 09 February 2004 02:47:31
Subject Baby Thomas Dixon

Oh my I have tears streaming down my face and I can't think straight. What a beautiful site for your sweet little Thomas. I am so sorry he's not here with you.

I know your pain all too well I have six angels babies of my own. The pain of loosing a child is something so intense it's indescribable. Someone once said to me "When you lose a child you become a part of a club you never asked to join but once you have, you have to meet all the members" I've found it to be very helpful to meet others who have experienced what I have even though it pains me to learn of another baby who has died.

I hope you have the support of friends and family that you so desperately need during this horrible time. I know we don't know one another but if there ever was a time you felt like talking or thought I could be of some help please don't hesitate to let me know. I also am a member of the on-line support group for mothers through Honored Babies it's been very helpful to me.

Take gentle care of yourself.

Sending kisses to our little ones in the sky

Hugs,


Danielle O'Connor Mother to my SKY BABIES:
Taylur 12/27/99 stillborn
Astin Wyatt 1/6/01 miscarried
Savannah Grace 4/21/03 stillborn
Casey 8/16/03 lost to an ectopic pregnancy
Brian & Briana Sera 11/21/03 miscarried

From Carmen Luke
Sent 06 February 2004 21:26:27
Subject Baby Thomas

Dear Magnus & Vicky,

My fingers are trembling as I write this message, I am unbelievably overwhelmed after reading your story and tributes to baby Thomas. It is a beautiful website.

I was absolutely shocked when I heard of your loss and a day has not gone by that I have not thought of you.

Thomas is very lucky to have such caring and proud parents as you both

All my love

Carmen Luke

(Kirkwall)

From Courtney
Sent 19 February 2004 19:40:28
Subject Missing Angels

Hello,

My name is 'Courtney'. I recently read your web page for your son 'Thomas' --- it was beautiful I cried the whole time because your story is just like mine!

I lost a baby at 10 weeks in March 2003. 09/08/2003 we found out that we were pregnant again we were very excited but scared. We didn't tell anyone until after the first trimester because we were scared that we would lose the baby.

December the 7th 2003 we found out that we were having a boy. My husband was ecstatic. We decided to name him 'Tristin Seth Russell Morace'. (My husbands' name is 'Seth' and my Father in-laws name is 'Russell') We let our guard down then because I was so far along and every appointment was so good. We were so happy!

My next appointment was January 8, 2004 it was just a regular visit until my doctor checked for the heart beat --- silence --- nothing --- so then he did a sonogram I didn't think that anything was wrong because I could feel him moving. When they did a sonogram --- silence --- stillness --- no movement --- nothing. No one in the room said anything. I just remember thinking god isn't going to take my baby. He wouldn't do this to me! He will bring my baby back! (My doctor said when I was feeling him move that was just him floating in the fluid)

My doctor admitted me that night and induced me at 7:00 p.m. I believed so much that God wouldn't take him from me that before they induced me I made them check for a heart beat again! Still nothing ---- silence.

The next morning my husband woke up and said that he had a dream that when 'Tristin' was born he was breathing - but the doctors wouldn't do anything. 'Tristin' was born still at 7:58 am January 9, 2004. Whenever he was born I couldn't cry --- I don't know why but I couldn't. I got to hold him and my mom and my sister got to see him, but my husband couldn't do it - he broke down and he said that it would make it harder for him to deal with. This is a decision he later regretted.

We have pictures of 'Tristin'. Even thought he was only 22 weeks gestation he still looked exactly like 'Seth' (my husband) We laid him to rest 01/11/04. I know exactly how you feel!

I hope to hear from you soon


--- Courtney ---

From Christine
Sent 20 February 2004 22:29:41
Subject Baby Thomas' Guestbook

I stumbled across your memorial website as I was trying to come to terms with the death of my daughter. I am so sorry for your losses.

Your website was beautifully put together and brought tears to my eyes. I admire your courage to share your thoughts and stories.

I lost my baby girl 'Jenny Mikayla' at Christmas time. She just stopped kicking, we went to the doctor on December 23rd, they couldn't find a heartbeat. I was admitted Christmas morning and 'Jenny' was born on boxing day.

She was a beautiful perfect looking 2-lb baby. Holding her in my arms was the most precious moment of my life. I miss her so much.

Thank you for letting me glimpse into your lives, you will be in my prayers.

Love Christine

From Corrin
Sent 21 February 2004 09:01:37
Subject With love and best wishes

Hi Vicky,

I just read your story of 'Thomas'. I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. Your story is touching, a beautiful tribute to your son.

I was wondering if I could publish your story on my site with a link to direct people to yours. So they can read your poetry and so on. I can't imagine how heartbreaking this is for you, and I am so sorry.

With love and best Wishes

Corrin.

www.angelbabies.tk

From Denise
Sent 23 February 2004 11:59:13
Subject Baby Thomas

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I lost my son 'Trenton' in my 39th week of pregnancy on April 29, 2003. I started a charity in memory of him here in the states.

My web page is www.geocities.com/okangelbear2003/home.html and our charities webpage is www.angelteddybears.org

Please email anytime you need to talk.

Denise

From Sandy
Sent 23 February 2004 15:35:44
Subject your website is great

Hi!

My name is Sandy. I lost my son at 37 weeks; he had a knot in his cord. I can't seem to bring myself to do what you have done yet - It is all still so new and painful.

Thank you for sharing your story.

Please feel free to email me - I would love to have someone to chat with who knows how I feel.

Sandy

From Lisa_EmilysMom (fromSG)
Sent 24 February 2004 01:38:58
Subject Baby Thomas

Vicky and Magnus ~ I am so very very sorry about the loss of 'Thomas'. This road we walk is one of sadness, pain and loneliness. What you have done with this tribute to him is beautiful; your love for him is seen in every word, thought and picture.

May God Bless you both.

From Sarah Butler-from SG
Sent 24 February 2004 12:33:15
Subject guestbook

The love you have for your Thomas jumps off the pages. This is such a wonderful tribute to your son. He must be so proud to have such a loving mommy! I also love the art work.

Thanks for sharing your son with us.

From Lauren Stellwagen
Sent 25 February 2004 01:54:17
Subject Baby Thomas

Hello Vicky,

I read your update on the NSS site, and thought I would check in with you. Your website is so beautiful for Thomas. I was wondering how you are doing. I will be thinking of you on Tuesday and will say prayer for your family.

Love,

Lauren ~ Caleigh's mommy 12/2/03 ~

February 23rd 2003 'Baby D' - Miscarraige 10 weeks pregnant

Thomas - January 1st 2004 8:31am - Born Still (31 1/4 wks)

"Fly, fly little wing - Fly beyond imagining"

Pregnant Again: Due - 4th November 2004....
'Please let us take this one home with us'

Miscarriage - Lost twin - 31st March 2004 at 9 weeks

~ Milly Ingrid Dixon ~

Born on the 16th November 2004, 3:43am - 8lbs 12ozs

A beautiful baby sister for Thomas!

~ Robert George Dixon ~

Born on the 18th March 2008 - 7lbs 15ozs