Mummy remembers the day that she found out she was pregnant, the 25th of June 2003 - it was a very strange feeling of excitement but tinged with a little fear and sadness because we had lost a wee one before you but who was much younger than you are. As the weeks passed our confidence grew - especially after the first trimester - it was then that we felt we could begin to anticipate your arrival and share our news with friends and family.

The first weeks of pregnancy were not easy as Mummy suffered from terrible morning sickness and was even signed off work for two weeks! The weeks gradually passed, we collected lots of tiny clothes, books and teddies for you, not yet knowing if you were a girl or a boy. We ordered your buggy, Moses basket; cot and bouncer chair from 'Babies 'R' Us' and began to make plans to build a house. We went to our antenatal classes every week on a Monday afternoon for four weeks. Daddy even fell asleep in one and started groaning, much to Mummy's horror!

Mummy left her work on December the 14th for her much anticipated maternity leave. They gave her some beautiful presents for you - some jumpsuits and a small teddy bear outfit that we know you would have looked beautiful in. I remember that last day of work because your movements had slowed down and I was concerned - I called Daddy up at his work and he booked an appointment for us to see the doctor when I got home. As soon as the doctor put the Doppler to Mummy's tummy he picked up your heart, beating loud & strong, we left the surgery on a high - laughing at how silly we had been. Oh, if only we knew.

On the 30th of December Mummy and Daddy were sitting with their friends whos' baby was due soon too - we had gone through our pregnancies together anticipating that you and their wee baby would grow up together and be great friends. Thier baby moved and we very visibly saw him or her, (at that time not knowing if they were expecting a girl or boy) kick and our hearts sank with the realisation that you used to do that - we became very concerned and very scared. We decided to call the surgery and go in to hear your heartbeat - not for one minute did we ever anticipate what was about to happen.

The doctor became concerned after placing about three different Doppler's to my stomach over the course of half an hour he could not find your heartbeat. We were terrified, he suggested that we wait until the next morning before we go to the hospital as we live half an hour drive away and the roads were really bad that night with ice and snow. We decided to go that night, as we couldn't wait overnight at home in limbo, not knowing. We arrived at the maternity unit where they performed a scan - your tiny heart had stopped. At that moment in time I felt like mine had too. We were flown that night with the clothes we had on our backs and nothing more, to the maternity hospital. When we arrived we were told that we would have to wait until the morning, as they wanted to perform another scan.

Although it was an agonisingly sleepless night we will always be grateful for that scan as it was the first and only time your Mummy got to see your beautiful face - and we will always have that scan to treasure. At 3pm on Hogmany Mummy was induced with tablets - the labour was long and painful but nothing can compare to the emotional pain of knowing that we would not be welcoming you into our lives alive and well. You were stillborn on New Years Day at 8:31am and we named you 'Thomas'. Mummy and Daddy wish we had done things differently in hindsight. We feel so guilty and devastated as we feel as if we have rejected you and by far our biggest regret is that we didn't hold you. Mummy had been awake for almost 30 hours, 18 of which she was in labour and was emotionally and physically exhausted - not to mention the effects of the morphine and gas and air. She wasn't thinking straight. All I saw of you and my lasting memory will be the midwife picking you up in a blanket - I saw the back of your tiny head and your perfect legs, feet and toes. Daddy watched the birth and saw you completely and says you were just absolutely perfect - a beautiful wee boy. We feel so sad.

We will never have the chance to hold you or introduce you to any of your friends or family, you are gone. You were 31 weeks-gestational age and as yet we don't know what caused you to die. They are performing tests and we will get results in about 10 weeks. We have the scan of you, which is beautiful, you had passed away by the time the Ultrasound was performed and you look so peaceful, just like you are asleep. They took your hand and footprint and gave us the shawl and hat you were dressed in after you were born. They also gave us two small teddy bears, one, which we sprayed with my perfume so you could smell your Mummy and it was laid with you and will be with you in your coffin.

Thomas - Mummy and Daddy will never forget you - you will always be with us, in our hearts. The whole thing seems even crueler that it had to be the beginning of a New Year - a year that so many plans had been made for, so many hopes and anticipation's of what lay ahead completely shattered.

- We Love you -

 

"A person is a person no matter how small." Dr. Seuss

A letter to all parents who have lost a child
We really appreciate you visiting Thomas's website.
We like to know who has taken the time to visit our precious little boy and would like to invite you to leave a message in Thomas's guestbook.
Just click on the link below!

February 23rd 2003 'Baby D' - Miscarraige 10 weeks pregnant

Thomas - January 1st 2004 8:31am - Born Still (31 1/4 wks)



"Fly, fly little wing - Fly beyond imagining"

Pregnant Again: Due - 4th November 2004....
'Please let us take this one home with us'

Miscarriage - Lost twin - 31st March 2004 at 9 weeks

~ Milly Ingrid Dixon ~

Born on the 16th November 2004, 3:43am - 8lbs 12ozs

A beautiful baby sister for Thomas!


Pregnant Again: Due - 24th March 2008....

~ Robert George Dixon ~

Born on the 18th March 2008 - 7lbs 15ozs

Mummy & Daddy
on their Wedding Day

25th August 2001

This is the only photo we have of Mummy pregnant - it was taken on the 29th December.
8th August 2003 - Thomas's First Scan
This is 'Daisy'
she would have loved you 'Thomas'.
She used to sit on our Bump!
'Rosie' our other cat wouldn't
sit on our bump but she would
walk over me and stop and study
my belly with curiosity!